W's Answer To The Recession Blues

If you happen to be a real estate developer or own a bank, chances are you're in deep shit at the moment. The terminal drag of recession keeps pushing developers and subprime lenders closer to the cliff's edge. Even normal folks, millions of them, are feeling the pain, not that W noticed those anguished cries. But when the losses entered the trillions and financial markets worldwide began to plummet, even W couldn't continue missing the obvious. Or maybe it was just that fact that if you removed the banker/investment tycoon-types from W's inner circle, you'd discover an empty room.

While our president rode the coattails of a superheated economy, and the value of everybody's home seemed to double or triple, nobody in the upper reaches of government seemed very inclined to consider that something might be terribly wrong. Now we know that something actually was quite wrong since millions of ordinary folks are having their homes foreclosed. Why did this happen? You probably know. During this period, the geniuses in the lending world created a method of allowing nearly anyone to qualify for loans they couldn't really afford to pay back. Through the use of "teaser rates", folks with marginal incomes were able to pay their mortgage until the tease ended, usually within 1-3 years. Then the ARMs kicked in and mortgage payments jumped out of reach for most borrowers in the subprime market. This was a recipe for two things: phase one, a huge run up in prices. Phase two: epidemic foreclosures.

For most musicians, this is more an issue of passing interest than of personal experience. You see, the average musician is a renter. Financial rewards for the musical types distribute themselves quite unevenly, with those at the very top reaping a grossly disproportionate share of the revenues generated by the industry, to a larger extent than just about any other slice of the economy. But I digress.

Now that this issue has finally captured W's attention, it is heartening to see that he is proposing legislation which will finally come to the aid of, well, uh, Citigroup, Inc., Merrill Lynch & Co., Morgan Stanley and Bear Stearns Co. Oh, also homebuilders. These entities will be allowed to recover billions of lost dollars through new legislation. Funny thing is that despite the housing slump, these same companies have made larger profits than ever these past few years. Not the homebuilders. They are pretty much screwed for the foreseeable future.

As for the ordinary folks who are losing their homes, W is proposing a stimulus package (do you suppose W himself has a stimulus package?) that will allow qualifying taxpayers to obtain "rebates of several hundred dollars". Golly, that's mighty big-hearted of him. But hey, at least the banks will come out ok.

My advice: consider becoming a musician.