BiPolar Express

BiPolar Express

How does a musician know when he’s connecting with his audience? Nothing screams audience approval like good old fashioned applause, especially the raucous, spontaneous kind. And then, well, there's always panty throwing of which my personal experience includes none and I’m okay with that.. For me, when someone comes after a show and says, “Hey, you know that song you did about……? That song could’ve been written about my ……” At that moment, you know you're song really struck an emotional chord. Establishing that kind of connection means everything to a musician.

One song that seems to generate this reaction in nearly every show I play is called “BiPolar Express” which is a song about the plight of those who suffer from bipolar disorder, of whom there are many.
I first became aware of bipolar disorder in my work as a public defender. My initial brushes with those who said they were bipolar led me to the erroneous conclusion that some people gave themselves this label to dodge responsibility for their actions. Hopefully I never let them see my inner skepticism and if I did, I am truly sorry now. Years of experience with bipolar suffers has taught me a great deal about the unique problems such folks face.

“Don’t forget your medication

To stabilize your mood,

And don’t forget your hygiene

Fight the impulse to be rude

Do not lock yourself in closets

Keep the weapons out of sight

A bit of exercise will help you

Sleep through the night.”

Exactly one year ago while I was recording BiPolar Express in LA, a tragic death occurred in my hometown, Eugene, Oregon. A 19 year old suffering from bipolar disorder was behaving in a frighteningly irrational, threatening manner with his parents who called the police, and when the young man refused to put down a knife and advanced on the police, he was shot to death. His parents do not blame the police.

My own family includes one member who has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Sometimes he stays out of touch for long periods of time and doesn’t respond to attempts at contact. He is only four years older than the young man who died in Eugene. His father has tried for years to help his son deal with the symptoms of this disease. The results are far from encouraging.

“Labels like weird and psycho

Tend to get you so upset,

But there’s no need for violence,

What’s a little disrespect?

Have a drink and check your dosage

Might be time to take a pill.

Pretty soon you’re neutral,

A blissful empty chill.”

The task of managing bipolarity is tricky. Prescriptive meds work wonders once a winning combination is found but finding the right drug or combination of drugs isn’t easy. To compound the challenge, identifying the optimum dose is a trial and error proposition. Then there’s the problem of taking the medication---folks with bipolar have a tendency to forget and some don’t like taking it. Left unmedicated, bipolar sufferers tend to engage on all sorts of negative behaviors.

“Take the BiPolar Express to parallel land,

Where everything is perfect

But it’s all made out of sand.

Colors bright and faces smilin’

On every sunny day,

In comes a little rain, it all goes away.”

To the friends and family members who have told me that this song captures their personal experience with bipolar and means something special to them, I can tell you this: it means something special to me to.

Music, at its best, can have a magical healing quality. Sometimes we find comfort in the knowledge that our personal suffering is shared by others. And sometimes music is the bridge which transports us to that awareness.