"Songwriter Denies Harvard Killing"

"Songwriter Denies Harvard Killing"? What kind of headline is that? Well, there it was in this morning's newspaper---a headline implying that songwriters are a violent, murderous lot. Maybe the fact that I'm a songwriter heightens my sensitivity to this notion. Or could it be the songwriters are the new butlers, as in, "the butler did it!" Have songwriters become the default suspect of highest interest?

Imagine the police briefing. "Violent crime is on the rise. Round up the usual suspects. Yea, the songwriters. And don't forget the poets. We've got to rid the city of that scum. Nobody's safe with them around."

"Songwriter Denies Harvard Killing". Awfully suspicious that a songwriter was anywhere near Harvard. I mean songwriters aren't exactly known for having Ivy League educations.

Of course the songwriter denies it. Everybody accused of murder denies it. You want a more shocking headline? How about "Songwriter Admits Harvard Killing"? Songwriters might not be that well educated, but they're smart enough to follow their lawyers advice, even if they killed someone in the proverbial broad daylight in front of a busload of vigilant nuns

Got a cold case, a la Miami: CSI? I suggest you check the entertainment listings, see who had a gig in town that night. Remember the Talking Heads song "Psycho Killer"? Maybe David Byrne's lyrics are a window into the schizophrenic mind of your average songwriter.

Sure, songwriters look all innocent with their artsy clothes and gentle manner, especially the folkies. Nothing like a good disguise to lead the authorities off-track. Beware the songwriter. You never know what unspeakable acts of random violence were performed by the innocuous looking dude with the acoustic guitar.

The Days of Swine and Roses

Be afraid. Or not. It might kill you, but it probably won't, even if you catch it. Swine flu is upon us and I'm so uncertain what to think of it. So many news items play to our fears. After all, fear sells. But most of the time, our fears are unrealized, thank goodness.

Not long ago, the word "pandemic" was not part of my vocabulary. Now, it seems that next to WMD's (an acronym known only to a few before 9/11), pandemics are the biggest threat to mankind. So be afraid people.

How best to prepare for the swine pandemic? I'm surprised that fallout shelters aren't making a comeback. Because when the Big Pandemic hits, isolation is surely the key to your survival. Stock up on water and duct tape. Lots of duct tape. Because if you're in your fallout shelter and your companion blathers all the time, duct tape might save you from insanity.

While we're on the topic of things that might kill us, did you know that from time to time, the sun goes a little whacky? In 1859, a solar storm from our very own sun caused telegraph wires in the US and Europe to stop working. Somehow, this caused a number of fires.

Scientists now predict that in 2012, we may experience a similar solar storm but the results, they say, are certain to be catastrophic. Our satellite systems will stop functioning which, in turn, will disrupt global transportation and communication. Our world will be less safe, and you guessed it, lots of people will die.

So many things that can lead to the end of the world as we know it. I just love the REM song about that. Michael Stipe singings "It's the end of the world, as we know it, and I feel fine". Especially when the sun is shining and its beautiful outside, like it is right now in Oregon. Incidentally, ever notice how you feel a lot more safe and secure the less time you spend listening to Fox News?

Fear makes me sad. What has fear ever done for you? Mostly, fear succeeds in making people more aware that life offers too little hope and too much misery. This is one of mankind's biggest shortcomings compared to the animal world. Animals have keen fear instincts that kick in when it really matters. I loved learning that before tsunamis hit shore, the birds are long gone. They don't waste brainpower worrying about lethal forces that will almost certainly never strike. How unfortunate that human brains are so morosely preoccupied with far fetched impending death scenarios, yet so incapable of sensing mortal threats right before them.

Hope you don't catch the swine flu, but if you do, I'm telling you your prospects for survival are good. Very good.