4000 to One-----How My Brother’s Death Spurred Me to Pursue Music
Hello blogosphere, goodbye virtual virginity. That was easy. Losing the other kind took more years than I care to admit. Now that I’m a musician, I’m getting used to losing things. Like inhibitions and sometimes, on a tough night, a little bit of dignity when I’m playing my guts out while the clinking glasses seem to pay more attention to me than the noisy people holding them. But that goes with the territory---ask any musician. By far my toughest loss, though, came on February 18, 2004 when my older brother Steve died. Suicide actually. Nobody knows why. He was famous and admired, especially in Chicago where he wrote over 4000 columns for the Tribune and Sun-Times. So the fact that I’m writing my first blog entry is not particularly impressive in my family. But every blog has to start somewhere. I’d like to start by telling you a little about how Steve inspired me to pursue my music and songwriting. During his life, as far back as our teens, he encouraged me and my music, and even though he couldn’t play a lick, he appreciated my work on guitar and the early success I had with rock bands growing up in Oregon. But Steve’s death served as the ultimate musical inspiration for me. It made me realize that life truly is too short and if you don’t pursue your dreams when you have the chance, you’ve set yourself up for a lifetime of regret. Who wants that? Before his death, I tended to keeping my music and songwriting within a small private circle while I committed most of my energy to a traditional career. His death brought me out of the closet. I started performing in clubs and concert halls, fronting my own band, sometimes playing solo acoustic and always featuring my original material. I started songwriting with an intensity and depth of focus I never had before. I began recording my songs in LA with accomplished musicians. Steve’s death was an awakening for me and I made a commitment to myself to nurture this dream of spreading my music. It’s been over 3 years now and even though there are difficult moments (see clinking glasses above), I find it so worthwhile to pursue this passion that I can accept the bad parts. Without Steve, I don’t see me making this move and if I had kept my music under wraps, regrets about not pursuing music would have gnawed at my soul to the end.
Next month, I’m going to LA to attend a musical event called the Taxi Road Rally where I’ll perform live, attend classes on the music business presented by industry experts, schmooze with record execs and drink heavily every night. At this point in my career, I tend to think that the industry part of the music landscape sucks. That’s why I have a day job. Plus there’s no way I could make ends meet on my musical earnings, at least not yet. But I promise I’ll keep working on shrinking the day job and expanding my musical side.
As musicians go, my day job is kind of weird. I’m a lawyer, mostly a public defender representing poor folks charged with minor offenses (in some cases, it’s as though their only crime is being poor). More about that later. For now, I’ll sign off with this thought: 4000 columns for my brother Steve, one blog entry for me. I’d give anything if somehow his lead could increase.
